Well thing are going well today, I know my Mom is now at Peace with God.
But sometimes You can't really help yourself forget the good times with the people you love, specially when everything are only memories of precious moments...
I dint mourn like others are doing to the one they've Lost.
I dint show so much emotions like I saw on others...
Yes I did Hold those feelings on the first months after my Mom died,
But after sometime I get used to it...
I continue living life normally;
although there were some feeling of void, times are becoming normal...
However it think of it...
Maybe my prayers are helping me in most parts..
My friends had been there for me and my family had been there, comforting each one of Us.
Books and Inspirational guides had been a great help to overcame the feelings of lost...
But now I mostly remember the happy moments with my Mother,
I dint anymore see the suffering Mom but a Happy Mother...
Maybe it was the evolution of Sadness and Sufferings...
To end it All up For an Exchange of Happy Memories...
THANK YOU!
TO MOTHER
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Friday, June 20, 2008
Friday, June 13, 2008
Time
Time is really a great healer.
After years that I hate to talk about this topic(cancer),I now begun to open my mind and heart about these. I examine every events and found that not everything had been bad.
Even the the things that happened on my Mom. That cancer is not all about sufferings. In my contemplation, there are best memories and moments behind those...
If you or know someone who is in similar situation, DO NOT let time pass, by loosing the enjoyment and fun of life. The LOVE and Moments for a love one. I too have regrets because I did a lot of things I did not Do.
Analyze and examine everything in a positive sense and look at the goodness behind each situations right NOW. It was not APATHY who holds the answer but a positive outlook in life.
"GOOD THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS CAN NEVER PRODUCE BAD RESULTS; BAD THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS CAN NEVER PRODUCE GOOD RESULTS!"
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
pain?
Pain?
This Day, I hurt myself
To know if I still feel
To convince myself
That Yes! Pain is Real
I Focused on each stroke
As it fear my Soul
I focused on each Pain
To prove it is Real
I focused on the Pain
And it was all in Vain
To See if I still feel
And feel my Flesh is Real
As Pain pounded Me
Like Tears from Heavy Rain
I hear my Soul Chanting
The Wept of strength and Pain
Pain is only felt
When you have Fear for it
Pain is only Felt
When you' re not ready of it!
Accepting Pain is great
When it is Due for You to Accept it.
Accepting Pain is Ecstasy
When You're Ready to accept it.
The Moment it Hits You
You've Foreseen its Action
Waiting is Never, Burden
Fighting is AlwaysWin.
*I created this words from the stories of my Mom, maybe from her experiences, or may be from the feeling we felt at those times, maybe from my father of me.
Monday, June 9, 2008
living life
Sometimes when you are in a situation like cancer you are sometimes preoccupied with the feelings of discomfort or fear.
That is what I hear from my mom months after her diagnosis.
Maybe it was normal.
But soon after those months of agony things becomes normal.
As normal as the days when cancer was not present.
But the real ones that change are those around her.
I and most of Us.
We all change.
We begun to continue the fear and worry.
I am not aware of it until now, how it affected my mom.
But the good part is;
We literally live on the saying about living life as if it was your end today.
Living like it creates more love.
More healing and more memories that will last for many lifetimes.
That is what I hear from my mom months after her diagnosis.
Maybe it was normal.
But soon after those months of agony things becomes normal.
As normal as the days when cancer was not present.
But the real ones that change are those around her.
I and most of Us.
We all change.
We begun to continue the fear and worry.
I am not aware of it until now, how it affected my mom.
But the good part is;
We literally live on the saying about living life as if it was your end today.
Living like it creates more love.
More healing and more memories that will last for many lifetimes.
the other side of cancer
Actually Cancer is not all about Ill health, Sufferings, Pain,Trouble,Fear and Worries
There is a good side with it.
We were taught that things are happening for some reasons, A thing is present and felt because of its hidden reasons and lessons.
Lessons that will be of vital importance to all.
Things that are enough to create impossible things to be real.
Or maybe inspire things, people and situations.
We saw how the Family gets closer.
How the condition of my Mom unites people and created good events to our Family.
How enemies were united.
How much care and friendship is deeply appreciated.
That money is not impossible if people unites for a single purpose.
So much that I realized and treasure because of such events.
That miracle comes on many form.
Not a form that we see on movies,
Or stories of superb levels
But on the form of Miracles that touches the Hearts
Miracles that even today, and until I die is felt everyday.
A miracle that will continuously run lives.
For all who have a sincere concern toward helping other...
Please Continue.
You may never know how much Power have you given to those people.
There is a good side with it.
We were taught that things are happening for some reasons, A thing is present and felt because of its hidden reasons and lessons.
Lessons that will be of vital importance to all.
Things that are enough to create impossible things to be real.
Or maybe inspire things, people and situations.
We saw how the Family gets closer.
How the condition of my Mom unites people and created good events to our Family.
How enemies were united.
How much care and friendship is deeply appreciated.
That money is not impossible if people unites for a single purpose.
So much that I realized and treasure because of such events.
That miracle comes on many form.
Not a form that we see on movies,
Or stories of superb levels
But on the form of Miracles that touches the Hearts
Miracles that even today, and until I die is felt everyday.
A miracle that will continuously run lives.
For all who have a sincere concern toward helping other...
Please Continue.
You may never know how much Power have you given to those people.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
bald
Although Life had been hard and with sufferings, It has been a life of Joy and happiness for Nanay. I never saw her Cry because of her illness although I saw tears, but It cannot be for sorrow because of her Smile. I never hear her blame, nor loose Hope. I never saw her give up until Her last breath. She's an inspiration for us all.Thursday, June 5, 2008
orchids
If my Mother could only see this today she would be very very Happy. She's a fan of Orchids.She treated each plant as a Pet. She would even talk to them. She can wait for many years on one of her variety to flower that last only for a few days and was exited again for the next season that it would bloom...Maybe it was the source of her patience and really helped my Mom carry all the troubles.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Although I talk about so much worries and sad moments...
My mother is not that kind of woman.
Sher's a very Happy and Funny woman.
She's a good Speaker.
She can hold a Seminar on her Government works talking about boring subjects about farming,agriculture,pest,insects,fertilizers,pesticides.....and keep the crowd alive.
She laugh a lot.
She's serious when it comes to serious situations and the funniest when things becomes dull.
She also holds a lot of conversations and laugh a lot to our business clients and suppliers.
My mother had been the life of their Office and our Business.
The Sale is up when people knows Shes the one on the counter.
She can motivate people and make then take Her advices about a certain products...
She would also Chat a lot and give advice to people even on their personal problems.
She was even offered to run some position on the Public Office, because of this Aura.
But she rejected those offers...She's not used to those peoples and is the number one in opposition for those Public Officials.
My mother is not that kind of woman.
Sher's a very Happy and Funny woman.
She's a good Speaker.
She can hold a Seminar on her Government works talking about boring subjects about farming,agriculture,pest,insects,fertilizers,pesticides.....and keep the crowd alive.
She laugh a lot.
She's serious when it comes to serious situations and the funniest when things becomes dull.
She also holds a lot of conversations and laugh a lot to our business clients and suppliers.
My mother had been the life of their Office and our Business.
The Sale is up when people knows Shes the one on the counter.
She can motivate people and make then take Her advices about a certain products...
She would also Chat a lot and give advice to people even on their personal problems.
She was even offered to run some position on the Public Office, because of this Aura.
But she rejected those offers...She's not used to those peoples and is the number one in opposition for those Public Officials.
Cancer Survivors
When problems present itself, it follows a domino effect.
This is what we experience.
2002 was the year my mother was diagnosed.
A stage III breast cancer.
But this is not the impeding danger lurking for us...
Our business, from which our major source of income is in constant decline.
There business associates that that drains the cash flow, paralyzing it. Months from that Shes no where to be found. In short within that year our Family business goes bankrupt.
Soon after that suppliers filled cases against my Mother because the business is named after Her. Even Banks and friends gives us the same threat.
We were all studying then and tuition fee is in constant increase so are our expense no matter how much we budget it. My father is also out of job and our farming business is giving us substantial income, there were also times that it was only break even.
We are in great debt and people hated us.
But it was on these times where you will really saw your real friend and the true concerned individuals. Although they were few,most are Family members and close friends.
It was enough to sustain my Mom's therapy.
Our lifestyles changed a lot. I begun to keep myself away from most of my friends and keep myself on a tight budget.
My siblings are also doing the same.
We even experience living from other people's contribution. People whom I will never forget and continuously pray for more success for all of them.
It was the hardest part of our lives...
But we manage to change it and keep our family in tact.
This is what we experience.
2002 was the year my mother was diagnosed.
A stage III breast cancer.
But this is not the impeding danger lurking for us...
Our business, from which our major source of income is in constant decline.
There business associates that that drains the cash flow, paralyzing it. Months from that Shes no where to be found. In short within that year our Family business goes bankrupt.
Soon after that suppliers filled cases against my Mother because the business is named after Her. Even Banks and friends gives us the same threat.
We were all studying then and tuition fee is in constant increase so are our expense no matter how much we budget it. My father is also out of job and our farming business is giving us substantial income, there were also times that it was only break even.
We are in great debt and people hated us.
But it was on these times where you will really saw your real friend and the true concerned individuals. Although they were few,most are Family members and close friends.
It was enough to sustain my Mom's therapy.
Our lifestyles changed a lot. I begun to keep myself away from most of my friends and keep myself on a tight budget.
My siblings are also doing the same.
We even experience living from other people's contribution. People whom I will never forget and continuously pray for more success for all of them.
It was the hardest part of our lives...
But we manage to change it and keep our family in tact.
Monday, June 2, 2008
my dream
Ever since my mother died of Breast Cancer it was my constant prayer for God to give me a chance to improve my economic standing and give me more success in all of my undertakings.
I am now busy learning all things about business.
I spend all of my time in this area.
This is the only way that I see better success on my plans of serving a better purpose.
One of it is a Cancer Foundation Named after my Mother.
Shes my inspiration to this and the countless Mothers suffering from the same Illness.
Some of them are Mothers that had been a good friend of my Mom.
Some are Mothers I met while shes on Her therapy.
I am aware of the Expenses of each Chemotherapy session.
And I know how hard it is to an average family.
Some even delay or lost all hope of healing. Some had never completed the therapy because of lack of financial support. Some resort to forms of healing without any medical studies and is proven risky.
Some resort to miracle.
This is not the kind of world that I wanted Mothers to be.
Not the kind of World for the sacrifices and gifts they have given to us.
But I am aware that it is a hard task to perform.
But this is not the time to give up.
The Hope is always present for me.
That help and opportunities will always present itself to its fulfillment.
I saw how hard it is both Financially and Emotionally to deal with Cancer.
I saw how hard it is to carry this burden alone.
How friends come and leave the scenes.
Some willing to help while some are afraid because of the monetary burden together with it.
I personally experience the sacrifices, but this is not a measure of how my mother carry it.
How her real feelings was?
From all of this, I also felt blessed because we were able to prolonged her life for another five years.
But I saw how other mothers failed to experience it.
May this dream be a dream of all who care for their Mothers.
I am now busy learning all things about business.
I spend all of my time in this area.
This is the only way that I see better success on my plans of serving a better purpose.
One of it is a Cancer Foundation Named after my Mother.
Shes my inspiration to this and the countless Mothers suffering from the same Illness.
Some of them are Mothers that had been a good friend of my Mom.
Some are Mothers I met while shes on Her therapy.
I am aware of the Expenses of each Chemotherapy session.
And I know how hard it is to an average family.
Some even delay or lost all hope of healing. Some had never completed the therapy because of lack of financial support. Some resort to forms of healing without any medical studies and is proven risky.
Some resort to miracle.
This is not the kind of world that I wanted Mothers to be.
Not the kind of World for the sacrifices and gifts they have given to us.
But I am aware that it is a hard task to perform.
But this is not the time to give up.
The Hope is always present for me.
That help and opportunities will always present itself to its fulfillment.
I saw how hard it is both Financially and Emotionally to deal with Cancer.
I saw how hard it is to carry this burden alone.
How friends come and leave the scenes.
Some willing to help while some are afraid because of the monetary burden together with it.
I personally experience the sacrifices, but this is not a measure of how my mother carry it.
How her real feelings was?
From all of this, I also felt blessed because we were able to prolonged her life for another five years.
But I saw how other mothers failed to experience it.
May this dream be a dream of all who care for their Mothers.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Cancer had been my interest ever since.
I wanted to develop a drug or vaccine to help prevent or heal it...
I really feel helpless, about this and my mother's situation.
I am on my first year proper of my medical studies then and all I can Do is read and do my research.
And to my dismay all were dead end and experimental studies.
Drugs are just a life extension and are never an assurance for a complete healing.
The more I read the more fatal the situation of my Mother is discovered.
I resort to miracle and a continuous support to Mom and a placebo effect of some vitamins and motivation to boost her.
My mother is an intelligent woman and I know shes also making Her own researches.
I am aware that she has the idea of the situation, although we talk to her doctor not to mention those thing to her.
Although the course of the therapy is taking its toll physically. I am aware of the glow on her face in the hope of Healing.
I can sense the spirit and courage.
After the 6 cycles of Chemotherapy, things becomes like normal.
only with more faith and overcoming worries.
I wanted to develop a drug or vaccine to help prevent or heal it...
I really feel helpless, about this and my mother's situation.
I am on my first year proper of my medical studies then and all I can Do is read and do my research.
And to my dismay all were dead end and experimental studies.
Drugs are just a life extension and are never an assurance for a complete healing.
The more I read the more fatal the situation of my Mother is discovered.
I resort to miracle and a continuous support to Mom and a placebo effect of some vitamins and motivation to boost her.
My mother is an intelligent woman and I know shes also making Her own researches.
I am aware that she has the idea of the situation, although we talk to her doctor not to mention those thing to her.
Although the course of the therapy is taking its toll physically. I am aware of the glow on her face in the hope of Healing.
I can sense the spirit and courage.
After the 6 cycles of Chemotherapy, things becomes like normal.
only with more faith and overcoming worries.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
the diagnosis
My mother was diagnose when I was on my 3rd year college.
I am studying at a private school, and we were already given the estimate of each therapy session.
It was much for us especially with the changing business environment at that time...
This is an added burden for Her and my family.
I even volunteered to delay my studies, but She insisted not to.
I am prepared to do it but I am afraid...
Yes I continue my Studies.
After the series of Test and Examinations...
My mother's case was Malignant.
A STAGE III BREAST CANCER.
I made some research at the Library and the Prognosis Is 70/30
Meaning a 70% chance of healing and 30% chance to live.
I almost cried seeing these findings...
But I believe that A great Miracle will Heal my Mother.
We even tried Faith Healing Just to ease the burden of these realities.
She tried to take almost all recommendations of Cancer Wonder Drugs...
For years this is our life.
The first medical procedure was very devastating for her...
She undergone TOTAL MASTECTOMY!
Her Left breast was removed from her forever.
This left a large suture from her breast and a void physically and mentally.
We can really felt these effects on Her although she always wanted to hide.
We know how traumatic it it for a woman who Value Beauty to lose Her assets.
A breast and hair.
Things that define a Woman.
We can only comfort her and Do all the things and encouragement that we know might help.
But to no avail, we really never created the right words...
After the 6 months of treatment...
I can feel Her weakness.
The Stress was overwhelming.
I am studying at a private school, and we were already given the estimate of each therapy session.
It was much for us especially with the changing business environment at that time...
This is an added burden for Her and my family.
I even volunteered to delay my studies, but She insisted not to.
I am prepared to do it but I am afraid...
Yes I continue my Studies.
After the series of Test and Examinations...
My mother's case was Malignant.
A STAGE III BREAST CANCER.
I made some research at the Library and the Prognosis Is 70/30
Meaning a 70% chance of healing and 30% chance to live.
I almost cried seeing these findings...
But I believe that A great Miracle will Heal my Mother.
We even tried Faith Healing Just to ease the burden of these realities.
She tried to take almost all recommendations of Cancer Wonder Drugs...
For years this is our life.
The first medical procedure was very devastating for her...
She undergone TOTAL MASTECTOMY!
Her Left breast was removed from her forever.
This left a large suture from her breast and a void physically and mentally.
We can really felt these effects on Her although she always wanted to hide.
We know how traumatic it it for a woman who Value Beauty to lose Her assets.
A breast and hair.
Things that define a Woman.
We can only comfort her and Do all the things and encouragement that we know might help.
But to no avail, we really never created the right words...
After the 6 months of treatment...
I can feel Her weakness.
The Stress was overwhelming.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Talking on a friend day ago, He told Me that at least I am Lucky... That we made ourselves prepare for our mother's final outcome...That at least we were not shocked as that event arrives..
Maybe he's Right?
Or maybe we were just stronger to accept.
Although we were very Hopeful of Mothers healing and the best results of Her therapy.. Deep inside everyone of us is a fear...
However we hide away from it or convince ourselves of its absence, we were still reminded each Day.
But we never show this to my mother.
Also show this feelings of fear to us.
Each day is an ordinary day for Her.
Maybe my friend was just affected by the scenes from movies or t.v. about cancer patient and their families...
Sensationalized by media...
Because that's not how we feel, we never prepared ourselves!
we act normally for years after Her first Chemo.
But all those years are the yeas of fear and worry...
You try to forget the would be outcome... you try to prevent it..
And every time you remember you are suddenly in pain.
But you get to enjoy everyday of your life with her.
knowing that maybe tomorrow is the end of it...
For years...Her last 5 years had been enjoyment and mourning for all of Us.
Just to make her smile and laugh is a treasured event for me.
Maybe he's Right?
Or maybe we were just stronger to accept.
Although we were very Hopeful of Mothers healing and the best results of Her therapy.. Deep inside everyone of us is a fear...
However we hide away from it or convince ourselves of its absence, we were still reminded each Day.
But we never show this to my mother.
Also show this feelings of fear to us.
Each day is an ordinary day for Her.
Maybe my friend was just affected by the scenes from movies or t.v. about cancer patient and their families...
Sensationalized by media...
Because that's not how we feel, we never prepared ourselves!
we act normally for years after Her first Chemo.
But all those years are the yeas of fear and worry...
You try to forget the would be outcome... you try to prevent it..
And every time you remember you are suddenly in pain.
But you get to enjoy everyday of your life with her.
knowing that maybe tomorrow is the end of it...
For years...Her last 5 years had been enjoyment and mourning for all of Us.
Just to make her smile and laugh is a treasured event for me.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
MAY
Shes a woman of faith.
Every May, she always performs her devotional ritual in Honor of the Virgin Mary.
We always went on a certain church.
It was a small church, near a fishing village on our province.
We would bring flowers and candles, also foods...
It was Her vacation from work and business.
As years passed...
I begun to be bored with this routine.
There were times that I wanted to be with friends, rather be with Her.
For so many years, we kept on doing this..
Until my college days, She even scolded on the phone if I told her that I will not come to join Her.
I do not know the reason why this is always done, ever sincee I learn how to remember.?
As years passed she always kept the devotion going and never became absent with Her pilgrimage.
Even on the days that Shes on Her weakest, becase of her health condition,
The day of Her pilgrim is Her Strongest...
Nuestra Senora De Salvacion
This is the title of the Virgin Mary of her pilgrimage...
Days before She Passed, my Grandmother told us
That my mother was speaking while asleep.
Shes telling something about missing the pilgrimage...
That Shes sorry for She cannot come this May!
I asked GrandMa, about Mothers May Pilgrimage to the Virgin...
And the reason why Shes so Devoted performing it, without an absent, even on the days where her body was weak?
GrandMa told Us that Her devotion started when She found out,Shes pregnant.
Specially when the doctor told Her of Her weak baby.
She started the May pilgrimage to keep hes baby strong, A promise to the Virgin That if she Deliver the child Alive...
She will be on the Church every May of her Life.
And that child shes Carrying is ME.
Thanks so much...
Every May, she always performs her devotional ritual in Honor of the Virgin Mary.
We always went on a certain church.
It was a small church, near a fishing village on our province.
We would bring flowers and candles, also foods...
It was Her vacation from work and business.
As years passed...
I begun to be bored with this routine.
There were times that I wanted to be with friends, rather be with Her.
For so many years, we kept on doing this..
Until my college days, She even scolded on the phone if I told her that I will not come to join Her.
I do not know the reason why this is always done, ever sincee I learn how to remember.?
As years passed she always kept the devotion going and never became absent with Her pilgrimage.
Even on the days that Shes on Her weakest, becase of her health condition,
The day of Her pilgrim is Her Strongest...
Nuestra Senora De Salvacion
This is the title of the Virgin Mary of her pilgrimage...
Days before She Passed, my Grandmother told us
That my mother was speaking while asleep.
Shes telling something about missing the pilgrimage...
That Shes sorry for She cannot come this May!
I asked GrandMa, about Mothers May Pilgrimage to the Virgin...
And the reason why Shes so Devoted performing it, without an absent, even on the days where her body was weak?
GrandMa told Us that Her devotion started when She found out,Shes pregnant.
Specially when the doctor told Her of Her weak baby.
She started the May pilgrimage to keep hes baby strong, A promise to the Virgin That if she Deliver the child Alive...
She will be on the Church every May of her Life.
And that child shes Carrying is ME.
Thanks so much...
Thursday, May 8, 2008
the news about mom
Yesterday after my job, I headed to a church...
I need to find some solitude at this moment...
A year ago it was my most memorable day of my mother...
My aunt called on my review class...
I burst in tears after hearing a threatening news, She's also in tears at that time...
I am miles away from her...
I keep my mouth shut, I lost my logic and reason...
I never remember crying for years, I almost forgotten how to...
But at that very moment, The only thing I can describe is that, TEARS is involuntary...
I tried to contact A friend But my phone is drain..
Maybe the hour calls that I should keep this very moment for myself...
I can never forget those time, The very moment I Cried aloud begging for God to keep my Mother.
It was the longest travel of my life...
I am waiting for something nobody would want to happen.
I can never forget those moments, when sudden flashes of my mothers life flash vividly on my memory.
I saw her every emotions,I saw her laugh, angry, suffer but never did my memory remembers that she cries..
I am on the bus at that time...
I wanted to cry but I keep holding my tears...
I wanted to see Her but afraid That something would happen
and that would be our Last.
I can never forget my Last conversation with Her.
The Fading voices of love for me and my siblings...
It was the last word from her...
To take care of my siblings...
I wanted to hug her at that time...
Maybe it was the reason why I cannot sleep a day before my Aunt called me.
Maybe it was her mind thinking about Her Sons and Daughter...
Cherishing the memories...
It was the day I never really prepared to have a stronger hold against..
I miss you MOM.
I need to find some solitude at this moment...
A year ago it was my most memorable day of my mother...
My aunt called on my review class...
I burst in tears after hearing a threatening news, She's also in tears at that time...
I am miles away from her...
I keep my mouth shut, I lost my logic and reason...
I never remember crying for years, I almost forgotten how to...
But at that very moment, The only thing I can describe is that, TEARS is involuntary...
I tried to contact A friend But my phone is drain..
Maybe the hour calls that I should keep this very moment for myself...
I can never forget those time, The very moment I Cried aloud begging for God to keep my Mother.
It was the longest travel of my life...
I am waiting for something nobody would want to happen.
I can never forget those moments, when sudden flashes of my mothers life flash vividly on my memory.
I saw her every emotions,I saw her laugh, angry, suffer but never did my memory remembers that she cries..
I am on the bus at that time...
I wanted to cry but I keep holding my tears...
I wanted to see Her but afraid That something would happen
and that would be our Last.
I can never forget my Last conversation with Her.
The Fading voices of love for me and my siblings...
It was the last word from her...
To take care of my siblings...
I wanted to hug her at that time...
Maybe it was the reason why I cannot sleep a day before my Aunt called me.
Maybe it was her mind thinking about Her Sons and Daughter...
Cherishing the memories...
It was the day I never really prepared to have a stronger hold against..
I miss you MOM.
Monday, April 28, 2008
HAIR
Early this morning I saw a woman, maybe the same age as my Mom wearing a similar dress as she often wore.
The feeling of longing is again felt...
I remember my mother, She own the most beautiful hair, black and silky.
This is also the same hair that my sister inherited...
Shes always comb during the night while watching T.V.
People remember her with that beautiful hair.
But things that has beauty fades.
And during her lifetime, she experienced it literally...
As months passes her therapy stole her crowning glory...
She can feel every pieces of its strand fall on just a slightest pat.
Day by day shes being awaken by the whorl of fallen hair on her pillow.
She wore a bandanna to hid this sights not just on others but on her.
I can feel the agony, although she never show it to anybody I can feel it,
I am her son.
I often try to make a joke out of it,
Sometimes shes laugh but most shes insulted, just to mention about her hair.
I tried to ease the burden but shes strong enough to hid it for her own.
I tried and I know she feels it..
The feeling of longing is again felt...
I remember my mother, She own the most beautiful hair, black and silky.
This is also the same hair that my sister inherited...
Shes always comb during the night while watching T.V.
People remember her with that beautiful hair.
But things that has beauty fades.
And during her lifetime, she experienced it literally...
As months passes her therapy stole her crowning glory...
She can feel every pieces of its strand fall on just a slightest pat.
Day by day shes being awaken by the whorl of fallen hair on her pillow.
She wore a bandanna to hid this sights not just on others but on her.
I can feel the agony, although she never show it to anybody I can feel it,
I am her son.
I often try to make a joke out of it,
Sometimes shes laugh but most shes insulted, just to mention about her hair.
I tried to ease the burden but shes strong enough to hid it for her own.
I tried and I know she feels it..
Saturday, April 26, 2008
The first blog for NANAY.
FOR NANAY
The best thing that this world could produce is a TIME MACHINE!
I wish A machine that would enable me to cheat time will be created!
Maybe God will really forbid this!
Or it could not be possible?
Or not in my lifetime?!
Why did I dream for this?
Of all the things that I could do with this Like Winning a Lotto with the Highest bet...
Is to see and Be with my Mother again...
This is more than winning a Lotto.
I miss her so much.
I want to say my sorry.
I wan to hug her and kiss her.
I want to wipe away her tears...
I want to be on her side.
I want to hear her stories and plans..
Those were some of the best things that I really miss so much..
I call her NANAY,
A very intelligent woman,
Honest and so loyal to her work
The best entrepreneur...
The best MOTHER of all.
I remember this very day.
I call her
I am on my review class..
I ask her if shes doing fine and that I wanted to see her?
She told me shes fine...
She told me to focus on my subjects...
The best thing that this world could produce is a TIME MACHINE!
I wish A machine that would enable me to cheat time will be created!
Maybe God will really forbid this!
Or it could not be possible?
Or not in my lifetime?!
Why did I dream for this?
Of all the things that I could do with this Like Winning a Lotto with the Highest bet...
Is to see and Be with my Mother again...
This is more than winning a Lotto.
I miss her so much.
I want to say my sorry.
I wan to hug her and kiss her.
I want to wipe away her tears...
I want to be on her side.
I want to hear her stories and plans..
Those were some of the best things that I really miss so much..
I call her NANAY,
A very intelligent woman,
Honest and so loyal to her work
The best entrepreneur...
The best MOTHER of all.
I remember this very day.
I call her
I am on my review class..
I ask her if shes doing fine and that I wanted to see her?
She told me shes fine...
She told me to focus on my subjects...
*I CREATED THIS BLOG FOR ME TO VOICE THE THING THAT I NEVER TOLD TO ANYBODY ABOUT HOW MY FEELINGS ARE...I HIDE ALL OF THIS. EVEN HIDING THIS FOR MYSELF FOR YEARS...THE FEELING I SUPPRESS. PEOPLE KNOWS ME AS THE SRONGEST. AND YES I AM, BECAUSE NO ONE WILL MAKE ME SURPASS ALL THIS THING BUT ME. I SHOULD BE STRONG FOR MY SIBLINGS AND FATHER, I SHOULD BE STRONG FOR MY MOTHER. I NEVER COMPLAIN, I NEVER BLAME BECAUSE I DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT OR CHOICE! I ONLY CRY ONCE IN FRONT OF OTHERS AND HIDE ALL MY MOURNING'S FOR MYSELF. EMOTIONS THAT I ONLY VOICE ON TO NONE. EVEN FORBIDDING ME TO THINK OF THESE THOUGHTS...
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